Wednesday, November 11, 2009

Knitting For The Soul


Before I became pregnant with my daughter I had a miscarriage.

I took it badly. Really badly.

About 3 days prior to having the miscarriage I had learned to knit. It was a random thing I had wanted to learn for awhile. I was clumsy at first.

I don't know why, but something that weekend made me pick up those needles and I began to knit.

And knit.

And knit. It was a little like Forest Gump running in that movie.

I think at the time I only knew the knit stitch. I couldn't purl. I would knit just about anywhere and it was the one thing that kept me hanging in there. Sometimes I would sit in the rocking chair and knit, the chair and my knitting moving in time with each other.

Knitting has a meditative quality to it. A rhythm, if you will, that forces you to focus and yet, let go. It quiets your mind. I'm not the only person who thinks that, by the way. In my knitting journey I've spoken with a lot of knitters who feel the same.

I had the miscarriage in September and by December, everyone I knew got scarves for Christmas. I took some classes. I knitted bags. I knitted socks in January. (Ok, I knitted A sock. Socks are actually pretty difficult, that whole heel thing is done on 4 or 5 double point needles. If you ever get handknit socks from someone it means you are pretty special.) When it took a long time for me to get pregnant, I knitted a sweater.

And the yarn. Oh, I love expensive yarn.

Knitting, is, of course, a tactile experience and one made better or worse by the feel of the yarn on your fingers. I'm not a sophisticated knitter by any stretch and for me, the quality of the yarn has a lot to do with the quality of the finished product. (In my pieces anyway) There is nothing like hand-dyed or hand-painted yarn of natural fiber. The one in the picture I've had for some time. It looks like indian corn and has the slightest sheen to it. I've knit it into 2 other things that just didn't work. This time it's a scarf for myself. Those colors, well that's what color I am on the inside.



Knitting is basically making knots in yarn with 2 sticks. You can get really complicated with it or not. I used to envision that while I was knitting all of those little knots, that some of the knots deep inside of myself were slowly, very slowly, unwinding.

At first this made me uneasy giving people my knitting. It was as if I had knitted all of that grief into those pieces. What I realized later is that really, I had knitted my peace into them.

7 comments:

Karley said...

Christine,

I know we have talked about this before, but I wanted to say again--you are a wonderful, brave, loving person and I am sorry for your loss. I am also proud of you for sharing your story.

((HUGS))

Christine said...

Awww.. Thanks Karly. I was knitting for a long time last night and was thinking about how it helped me out so much!

Deanna said...

This is really beautifully expressed -- thank you for sharing it with us!

Lizz said...

knitting is very soothing. re socks: try circular knitting needles, they are waaay easier than those fussy loose dpns!

Christine said...

Circulars tend to give me trouble. My work tends to turn and it gets all messed up that way. I think maybe circulars would enable me to make, say, a tube sock....Turning the heel of that sock was a bear!

Kristin said...

I agree this was very brave of you to share this intimate story but it also shows that you have found peace. I really happy for you and thankful to be a recipient of one of those "peace" scarfs.

Jeannine said...

So sweet, Chris and genuine. And i too am honored to be a recipient of your peace scarves. I love my shawl shaped scarf with my jean jacket. It's like comfort food.....now i know why :)