Pretty Enough Without My Earrings

The other morning my daughter was getting ready for school and asked if she could stick small sparkly stickers on her ears like earrings. "Sure I said"

So she did, her hair was in a ponytail and she went to look in the mirror to check out her new bling.

She came back moments later and said "I don't think I'm going to ever get my ears pierced."

"How come?" I asked.

"Well I have long hair so you wouldn't be able to see them and I'm pretty enough without them."

I'm pretty enough without them.

That statement caught me off guard for a minute.

How lucky, I thought, that she has that moment, where she is pretty enough and at least, at this time, has self-awareness of it. I think we probably all start out like that. Pretty enough. And I wonder when it is that we decide that we are no longer pretty enough.  Is it school when we learn to compare oursleves to others? Hurtful things said by relatives? That first boy (or girl) who doesn't look our way?

How many times is our concept of ourselves (physical or otherwise.) determined by someone else?
When I was 30 I decided I was going to be pretty. I had never been pretty before. Oh sure, I've had moments of cuteness, occasional bouts with sexy, a handful full of good hair days. But by and large, I'm an average looking gal. At 30 I decided to try on pretty. I just decided one day. And it worked. I felt pretty. And other people responded to me like I was pretty in ways that I had not previously noticed. I owned pretty for that time.

Nothing about me changed except for my feelings about myself.

Flash forward to 40. I've kind of forgotten that time. I haven't thought about it in a while anyway.

Maybe I'll decide once again that I'm pretty enough without my earrings.

Reading at 40 vs 19

Yesterday Jeannine and I were talking on the phone and dissecting something we are both familiar with this year-Our last (in my case, my only) child going off to full day school. 

When our babies were born, 3 of them with 18 months in-between each, we spent a lot of time together. One of my favorites things that I did when I was a SAHM was to go to Jeannine's house. She would welcome me in, with a cup of coffee and we would stand in her kitchen for a few minutes and chat. We'd then retreat to the living room where the kids played, fought with each other, wet their diapers, ate cut up banana and then we made lunch. After lunch, depending on the season, we would sit on her porch or tour her garden or have more coffee in the living room. Those were very good days.  Sometimes the days and years seemed so long. Like those babies would be babies forever.
And last week, it was just OVER. just like that. Our little girls are eating lunch in their school cafeterias now. And we were discussing this. And something I said reminded her of something she's reading and she said "Oh I have a book for you, it's about JUST this very thing." and rather than wait for her to finish the book, I downloaded it to my nook because, well, because I could.

And she was right. Right there in that book was another woman's experince mothering a daughter. (The book, Traveling with Pomegranates, by Sue Monk Kidd & Ann Kidd Taylor, is actually about a woman with a grown daughter.) But the essence of it, those feelings, were the same, being that I am both a mother and a daugter.

Which got me to thinking. I read a lot. I was an English major in college, mostly, I think, because I love to read.

But I wonder if the  the things that I read in college would have more weight with me today. Make more of a mark, garner more meaning.  (Except perhaps for Healthcliff in Wuthering Heights. Healthcliff my romantichero, I might tell to just GET OVER HIMSELF ALREADY. I think if I read Wuthering Heights for the first time at 40, that I might see him as the self-absorbed jerk that he is. Some things, I guess, are better left for the young...)

I could have read about Sue Monk Kidd and her daugher before I had a daughter and I would understand how she felt. But would I have felt what she felt? I don't know. Maybe literaure is better, the more life you have lived. I think people should take literature classes when they are 40 rather than 19.  I think that is why so many people (mostly women)  join books clubs. Maybe I should join a book club. Maybe I should just keep reading books with Jeannine. Maybe when I am 80, all these books will have a greater meaning still.

And if you are wondering, Jeannine and I are fine and are going to have a grown-up day on Monday. Coffee without interruptions. Perhaps a yoga class. Lunch that does not involve grilled cheese or peanut butter.

Parenting Observations

Get Your Geek On

I think maybe we're doing our daughter a disservice. Tonight after dinner she asked if she could "PLEASE PLEASE stay up until 8 to watch Antiques Road Show."  (This may be from the lack of Cable TV here.)

Mind you, we don't really watch that, though I do think it's pretty interesting when I catch an episode. The disservice that I'm talking about is that we're turning this child into a walking talking GEEK!!!! Because we looked it up online and there are about 14 seasons of that show. She can watch Antiques Roadshow for the next 2 years if she wants to. She and her daddy sat on the "antique" church pew for ambiance (I AM NOT KIDDING YOU) and the two of them ooed and aahed over paintings and vases. 

Enjoy the Ride

If you know me, you know I like to ride. In the car. Talking to someone about something. Most often with Leighanne. Or rocking out to something I love myself. I've been listeing to a lot of the Zac Brown Band lately. So today we were almost home from Wegmans when one of my favorite songs came on and that little something was in the back singing her little heart out. So much so that she asked me to drive past the house so she could hear the song. Again and Again.   Another little gas gulzzler born.

Tooth Fairy



Excuse the picture, my crush on The Rock is showing

 The tooth fairy is coming to our home soon. And  I don't really know the rules. In my day, there was money ($1) under the pillow. It was pretty exciting.  But now... Well, kids get all kinds of things (not just money.)  and all kinds of cash.  For instance, I think $5 might be ok but I only have one child. I KNOW there are other people giving $1-that doesn't seem fair now does it? And then this evening she asked me "When you were little was there only one tooth fairy or a lot." I said there was only one. But what do I know, maybe other parents are out there telling stories about legions of fairies building teeth cities or something... (hey that would be a cute story!)   

This is why I don't like pretend things in real life..Like Santa. I don't get all creative with pretend things. That damn Elf on the Shelf completely took me by surprise and there I was trying to come up with a plausible reason why we had no elf watching over her. "Well honey, Mommy was late to the party on that one, having not been to Barnes and Noble early enough."  hmm.......no....

Moms out there who are doing all this extra crap around these pretend entities, I just want you to know that you are simply ruining it for the rest of us.

Someone please put out a memo on $ protocol for the tooth fairy and I'll just follow it.....

Nature Bites

So last weekend my husband ran into the house from the yard, yelling. He stopped in the kitchen and  proceeded to drop his pants.

You would not believe what he had in there.

2 Bees flew out of his shorts! He had been stung numerous times in the leg, butt and arm. I shook out his shorts and handed them to him. Apparently I missed one and an angry bee gave him one last sting and flew out of his shorts while he was wearing them. His stings swelled up terribly and hurt for days.

He had been gathering kindling for a campfire across from my compost pile when the bees attacked him. They flew out of a hole in the ground! Mean little bees.

Today I was in the kitchen and I was freezing some of the bounty from my mom's 400 + tomato producing garden (I'm still a little bent about my tomatoes. My mother, on the other hand, has taken to calling her neighbors to see if she can hoist these red gems off on others, she has so many) and had a bunch of tomato guts to take to the compost pile. I didn't think it was a big deal, so I threw them in there and just like that, one stung me in the arm. In that sensative part where your arm bends. When it first happened you could see it all swollen and there were these spidery legs branching out from it where you could see the killer bee venom spreading into my system. Dramatic, right?

Hours later and the damn thing still hurts.

I'll live, but my husband has decided he should get something to kill the bees in the compost. Problem is I've been working on that pile for like 4 years now.... Wouldn't bee killer be like some kind of compost napalm?

I suppose I could start a pile elsewhere...

I used to think it would be neat to keep bees for honey. I'm rethinking that.

I've been so at odds with nature lately....

Fighting What Is and Inviting The Deer In Already

This is a plant in my garden.

Rosemary

These are plants in my garden



Bean plants whose leaves and beans have been stripped clean.



Tomatoes stripped of everything.

Notice anything?

Many of you who know me or read this blog know that I’ve been fighting a valiant battle against the neighborhood deer for some years now. Some years I’ve had no vegetables. And some years I’ve had plenty.  And there is a fence. A rather large 7 ft fence. It’s not completely obtrusive, but it is there. And grass grows up against it and makes it difficult to weed properly so things look unkempt.

Some years my fence keeps things out and sometimes it lets them in. And then all of the things I've been trying to protect get chewed on anyway.

Recently I’ve been thinking about this and pondering. And I’ve come to the conclusion that it takes much more effort to keep the deer out than to just let them in.  My fence is only so strong.

It is clear, that some things do well in my garden and some do not. 

Deer in the garden is what is.

So I’m taking down the fence.  

And growing what I can grow. And my garden will be more beautiful because of it. And I won't be all stressed out over the state of my tomatoes.

Have you ever noticed how fighting what is, is often much more difficult than working with it?  Living with it. Making something new and different out of it.

Trying year after year to keep the deer out is a long shot. Growing tomatoes is a crap shoot. And it is eternally frustrating. And keeps me anxious. It’s like pushing a boulder up a hill.

Sometimes it pays to know when to put the boulder down.

But growing Rosemary, well, that always seems to work for me.

Other people grow beautiful tomatoes, I can buy them at the Farmer's market. Heck, my mom is growing a champion tomato garden this year. She's harvested over 400 tomatoes and she's not even a gardener really.

What is. Let it in.

Less tomatoes, Beans, Squash + Less Fence = More Rosemary, Lavender, Zinnia, Broccoli, Garlic, & Leeks. 

I can take down the fence and still grow something beautiful.

Oh man! I wrote all this text and then when I published it, it dissappeared... This is where I was today.

I just can't add the text again tonight. Damn. More to come!

Summer Musings...

It's been a busy summer and here's what I'm thinking about.

Maybe I Should Have Been a Bartender.

At the museum we have a small bar called The Freight House. It's part of an old train station. On a few occasions now, Saturday night, at the museum's MidsummerFest, being the most recent, I've bartended there. It's just beer so it's easy-Filling growlers, pints, etc... I even learned to do the cash register.  It's a hoot! I like talking to customers about the beer and the museum.  I'm surprised at HOW MUCH I like it. It's fun. Perhaps I've missed a calling of mine. One woman on Sat told me I was so warm and approachable. Really??? She was, of course, drinking when she said it....

I told Al my food service manager and he told me I could come to the VFW some night (Al is a veteran and all around nice fella and also works at the VFW Wed evenings) and bartend at Celebrity Bartending Night. The fact that I would qualify as a celebrity just for being Al's boss makes me think he's more of a big deal than I thought ;-)


Why is my Cat Pooping on The Floor?

SO why is my cat pooping on the floor???? We left her overnight last night and today she pooped all over the kitchen and my husband stepped in it. When I yelled at her and flicked her nose he told me not to. That it would just make her hate us more and want to poop more. WTF??? Is this true????  I can't deal with this attitude.

I think we may be Dog People......

Right now she's all curled up next to me in bed like nothing happened....
And she's chewing on a small stuffed German Shepard. She thinks she's very tough.

It's Fun To Play At The YMCA

We joined the Y this summer and it's been an awesome decision. They have some outdoor pools & spray parks and my girl has been taking swimming lessons -she just finished 2 weeks and starts 2 more weeks tomorrow. We like the wellness workout center and my daughter loves the child drop off at the one we go to most often. We paid a little extra for the passport which lets us go to any Y, and it's been worth it. Since it's been so hot we've gone swimming a lot in the outside pools. It always feels like vacation when we are there.



And speaking of heat....

We were without power for 15 hours last Thursday... Yes, the hottest day of the year here so far.... They kept telling us it would be 90 more minutes until we had power.... All night long. And like idiots, we kept believing them. At one point at 3 am there were a bunch of RG & E vehicles in front of my house. And I noticed some neighbors too. So I got a flashlight and freeze pop and joined them. One of my neighbors pulled up in her SUV, frantic from the heat. She complained to the RG& E guy for a while and then sped off into the night. Where was she going??? Later I thought I should have gone to Wegmans and done my grocery shopping....


Garden Report

My 7ft fortress has been breached and when we came back from an overnight at Keuka Lake today today much of my garden had been destroyed. The gate was closed and yet everything was eaten. All of the beans, and tomatoes, cucumbers, sunflowers, peppers & even the morning glories. It's really disheartening. The broccoli, cabbage & potatoes were fine as was the basil. That's about it... I'm not even frustrated. I'm resigned....Ok, I am frustrated, I'm just trying not to let it bother me too much. I had a nice garlic harvest last weekend... Whatever..... I seriously dislike deer.... I swear, I'm moving to the middle of the suburbs to avoid this... Oh wait.... I already live there... I swear, how to real farmers deal with this cr@p????

I took some nice pictures a few days ago to post but  since it doesn't look like that anymore I'm just gonna sit here and sulk over it.

I'm seriously considering harvesting deer from the garden....