Scrambled Eggs

Yup, this post is really about scrambled eggs. I didn't use that title as a pithy little intro about my biological clock or anything like that. I'm really talking about chicken eggs....

I make really great scrambled eggs. Jen thinks I make the best scrambled eggs ever and lets me make them whenever we see each other. Or perhaps it's that fact that I'm critical about the scrambled egg endeavors of others and she just doesn't  want to be bothered with my bitching.

Ok, I know there are other things in the world that one might want to brag about. Harder more complicated things to cook.  This might seem like a pretty small accomplishment, almost not worth mentioning. Scrambled eggs. But a lot of people get them wrong.

I'm not one of them.

There are a few key things that you must and must not do and I am going to share these with you today.

Scramble your eggs with a little water. I mean like a teaspoon per egg (not like the one in your silverware drawer, like a real teaspoon-you don't need to measure this-just be aware of this. Of course if you have no clue what a real teaspoon of water looks like you may want to check it out.) Now just mix it all up. Don't beat the hell out of them. You don't need to totally incorporate your white into your yoke. Gently is your key word here. Use a fork. Don't be a spaz.

Melt some butter. Ok this is important. I use a stainless steel pan so I need to do this. Otherwise the eggs stick like crazy in it. But even if you use non-stick, MELT SOME DAMN BUTTER IN IT. And I mean REAL butter. Forget the non-stick spray. That is why your eggs suck.

I'm going to take a small aside and talk about butter for a minute. Most of you know I love butter. You know what-Life is way to short to use crappy margarine. Really people. Butter is not going to kill you. Neither is real cream in your coffee for that matter. It's the other crap you eat that might kill you, but butter won't be the culprit. Trust me, my father had a heart attack and a quadruple bypass and eats margarine and those flavored fat free coffee creamers.  That didn't help him....It won't help you. Enjoy your life a little more. Eat some butter.

So back to your pan with some melted butter. Use enough so your eggs don't stick. I use about med high heat. Pour the eggs in and let them set for 20-30 seconds. I like a heat resistant spatula for this next part.  Gently fold the eggs over on themselves. Keep folding. Don't get all crazy and stir them around. You'll end up breaking them apart too much like that. Again, gentle.....

Ok here is the CRUCIAL step. Just BEFORE you feel the eggs are done. Like you think "These eggs are almost done." At that point take the eggs OFF the heat. Then fold them over again. The eggs will finish cooking in the pan. You won't be eating runny eggs. I promise. If you wait until the eggs are done then you will over cook them. They will be hard and dry and you'll have to eat them with burnt toast with margarine and coffee with fake cream in it.... (and I do know so many of my  friends use this creamer, don't worry. I still love you. I can even find pleasure in it myself sometimes...I just prefer the real thing.)

Now another step for the more advanced. If you want cheese in your eggs, you NEVER, EVER, EVER mix the cheese into the eggs when you scramble them up. Put the cheese into the eggs at the time that you take the eggs off the heat. Just fold it all in. There is no way that your cheese needs to cook for as long as your eggs do. Additionally, some cheeses will give off a lot of water and you'll end up with a runny mess if you add the cheese and eggs to the pan from the beginning. Just don't do it. You might as well start from scratch if you do.

Add salt and pepper after the eggs are done. Not before they are cooked.

If you want to add veggies, cook them up before you add the eggs, unless we are talking spinach and then add that with some feta cheese at the cheese time mentioned above.

It's all really about the butter and the heat, use them both well.

Happy Eating!